End of the Search
by sakurablue13
Summary: a short drabble of John’s musing


**Category:** Fic

**Title:** End of the Search

**Characters:** John Sheppard, Torren J. Emmagen

**Pairing:** one-sided John/Teyla

**Summary:** a short drabble of John's musing

**Author:** sakurablue13

**Beta:** the magnificent tielan

**Word Count:** 579

**Disclaimer:** just borrowing them to have some fun

**A/N:** in the beginning, I intended to participate in two different challenges; sg_rarepairings 2009 Ficathon prompt #437 featuring John & Torren with a picture of a floating paper boat and sga_beya's _**February Challenge Different Kinds of Love**_ 'Search of Love' prompt. But, as usual, my timing sucks. My editor from the publishing gave tight deadlines on my translating and I got an extra class to handle. So I decided to put up the two prompts into one fic and here it is. Critics and comments are so very welcomed. Cheers! ^^

When he accepted the one-way mission to Atlantis for the first time, John Sheppard wasn't looking for love. Not after what happened between him and Nancy. Or after his other relationships with women. If those could even be termed as relationships, anyway. Ah, and he wasn't about to forget the fucked-up mission from hell in Afghanistan resulting his black mark and banishment to Antarctica.

He still wasn't looking for love when he had met Teyla Emmagen that early day in Athos. Teyla with the regal way she tipped her head to regard John for the first time. Oh, how he wished he could curse the day he met Teyla. The problem was that he couldn't.

Not with the crackling laughter escaping her thin lips as she listened to Rodney's usual breakfast whining about idiotic minions and a particular ungrateful Czech. Or the way her hips swayed along her slit skirt as she swirled her Bantos rods mockingly after sweeping Ronon off his feet during sparring. The twinkle John found in her dark chocolate eyes when he told a story about Earth using comical gestures. Neither was the soft smile she had as she ran her hand over her sleeping son's head while her teammates bickered about what movie to watch next.

John Sheppard had known from the very first time he laid eyes on Teyla Emmagen, that even though he hadn't been searching, or even hoping, for love when he stepped foot on the Pegasus Galaxy, his search for love was over.

Only to be crushed the moment she had told him that she was carrying another man's child.

Faith was cruel, John had realized.

He had been so sure that Teyla had felt the same as he felt. He had been so sure Teyla would stay by his side. But, Teyla was Teyla. She'd never let fate control her life, let alone a man like himself. As if sensing his fears and reluctance, she'd moved on and made her own choice.

So, here he was, lying over his stomach by the small stream of water, chin propped by a fist while his other hand repetitively poked over the paper boat floating on the water. He'd built a tiny wooden dam around the boat, trapping the gentle current in it, which caused the boat to go round in an endless circle just like the way he was feeling now.

By his side was Torren John Emmagen, sleeping peacefully, using John's gradually numbing arm as pillow. They had been playing catch before John brandished the piece of paper he accidentally found in his pocket—it looked like a letter from Woolsey or something. The soft trickle sound of the water and the quietness of their little spot in the forest had lulled the overtaxed boy into sleep. The beautiful little boy with dark hair and caramel skin. The boy that could have been his. The boy he'd pledged his life to protect along with his home from the day he was born.

Regret gnawed inside him once more. The same regret he'd been keeping for the past few years every time he saw Teyla, her son, and the man she had chosen. John shoved it away immediately.

It was too late for him. It was over. He'd found love years ago the day he met Teyla Emmagen, only to lose love the moment he finally realized that he was searching for it. And therefore he intended to search no more.


End file.
